Eliot F. Yates

  • Perspective

    I get to wash the dishes.

    I get to clean and tidy my home as I see fit.

    I get to fold and put away the clean laundry.

    I get to raise our beautiful children.

    I get to take care of my spouse and their needs.

    I get to work to earn an income.

    I get to stay home with the children.

    I get to clean up the dirty fingers, the spills and the toys on the floor.

    I get to pay the bills, to keep the lights on, the water flowing and the fridge full.

    I get to help to cultivate and create a better future for our children.

    I get to fix the mistakes that have been made in the past, whether or not I took part in making them in the first place.

    I get to love, make mistakes, grow, learn.

  • Children

    not any of my dreams

    nor all of my ambitions combined

    could ever be worth more than you 

  • Dreams I’ve Dreamt

    I’ve been hearing many stories lately about people having overwhelming dreams that seem to consume them and their minds. Upon waking, they may not recall the dream completely, but its essence seems to linger and cling onto their auras, at the edge of every thought throughout the day. Most of these dreams are memories or fragments of memories intertwined with the indiscernible bristles from that of a dream.

    I had a dream about a year or so ago that felt so real. I told my spouse that it truly felt like I had entered another realm. Perhaps I had astral traveled and it was another realm, or I embodied someone else’s life completely. I woke up crying, truly believing that I had lost that life that I had visited ever so briefly. I had a family, a different house, my spouse so lovingly cared for me. Waking up from that life for a few hours after, I was completely rattled. How could these dreams be so intense, feel so real?

    Every once in a while I have a dream similar to that one again. I only dreamt that dream once, but there are a couple of dreams on rotation that repeat themselves. Or, I’m in the exact same place, same realm, same people or what have you. I sometimes drive myself crazy delving into what could the meaning of these dreams be? Usually, I just don’t like the common explanations you find. “Dreaming of an ex? You must be unhappy with your love life.” No, that isn’t it. It feels different. It can’t just simply be the most obvious answer. It’s not just the who, what, where, it’s predominantly the vibe. How do you feel? What are you thinking? And perhaps even deeper than that. My conspiratorial brain likes to believe that we actually are falling into other dimensions and experiencing other life paths that we didn’t take. Whether it’s another vein of life from the path not chosen, or it’s another realm or dimension completely. I have experienced what feels like both. And then there are dreams. Just dreams.

    Dreams that when you try to tell them back make absolutely no sense at all. Those are when I can tell they really are just dreams. The incoherent, brain-melting, ramblings of the subconscious that are trying to work out some problem our conscious mind can’t seem to logically sort out on its own, dreams.

    I really need to start a dream journal. The funny thing is, I remember all of these dreams. I remember the places, what it looked like, what I was doing, how I felt. And I live them over and over sometimes. One of the reoccurring dreams I have starts to feel like Inception. People start to realize I’m conscious (or something) and I have to hide. Hide my consciousness from them. I find that similar to real life, while I can change what I’m doing and control my actions, I cannot control how others behave.

    Photo by Mo Eid on Pexels.com

  • Maybe it’s morbid. And maybe it is absolutely normal.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately. I am writing a novel about a murderess vampire, in which death does come with the territory.
    When I spend time with my family -I live out of state- I find myself thinking about death at the most inopportune times, in some of the most joyous moments. We’ll be laughing so hard we’re on the verge of tears, and like a sick, sad, hefty dose of reality, the thought of death and loss ensnares me. Last year, we almost lost our father.
    Again.
    It’s his second heart attack in about 20 years. He’s fine now, thank God, and doing much better, but it’s still a terrifying shock to reality just how close any one of us could be.

    I think of my mother, 15 years younger than him and healthy as a horse. I see her living a long time -women in my family tend to live a very long time- but then a terrifying thought slams into my innocent hopefulness like a freight train. Death can find you at any time, in any way it chooses. It summons those who least expect or deserve it.

    Death can find you at any time, in any way it chooses. It summons those who least expect or deserve it.

    I find some peace in the quote from The Cartersville Ghost by Oscar Wilde: 

    “Yes, death. Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace. You can help me. You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death is.” - Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost

    Why do we come to this earth for love and loss? Such strong emotions. So much pain and suffering. All for what? The logical part of me understands that we come here for growth, in every aspect. Especially spiritually. Not to mention all of the wonderful things life can bring you as well, it’s not all loss and grief.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________________

    Recently I have learned that I struggle with writing because I truly believe in the power of creation through speech and especially writing. We create our reality through our beliefs, our thoughts, and speech. On the one hand, I believe that it is healthy and good to express, to let out your innermost thoughts, if not to just let them go. On the other hand, however, I don’t want to create the wrong reality. I don’t want to focus on the negative and bring in negative energy.
    Although, I do have to admit that I do tend to focus on morbid things, and I can’t help but wonder is this just human nature, or is it me? I would consider myself a generally happy person, I think most who meet me would agree, but sometimes I wonder.

  • Eliot Yates

    Thank you for checking out my blog. I’ll be posting a couple times a week.

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”

– Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost